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Sunday, October 13, 2013

we moved closer to the city

The furniture never fit quite right, so I bought plants for the balcony.
They seemed to flourish for awhile, but it rained too much and the sun was too little.
And now the empty pots sit outside with the carcass of what never grew.

Monday, July 8, 2013

there were times that the night sat beside me

Anis Mojgani.

I found him when I had no words. His words have such soul. They overflow.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

shake the dust

 this thesis has become one more thing that i don't get done everyday.
my frustration and all i have to do causes anxiety.
anxiety so great that i do not move.
and repeat.

 this is it, the last thing i have to do and i can leave, i can go home. but i feel like i am drowning beneath it. 

everything in me is exploding for change, but my words are so cheap, so petty, so empty.

shake the dust.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

soraya wants you to know she is having very hard time

Lena Dunham.

I have never seen such honest work.

As an artist, her vulnerability really spoke to me, it has really helped my creative process become more honest not only with how I express myself, but how honest I am with myself. It has let photography become a therapy for me.

It has made me wonder if in our honesty we can bring healing not only to ourselves but to others.

This past week I attended the public defense of two of classmates' thesis, and in the darkness as they explained the creative and academic aspects of their work they were in fact opening their hearts to deal with the heavy things of life. Daniela confronted debilitating anxiety. Greg exposed the wounds he carried since childhood with his father's neglect, the unintentional racism he received, and the loss of his grandmother to Alzheimer. Despite being very different in the nature of their work, they both found healing in the process. Their honesty gave me comfort. It gave me comfort in that I did not feel alone in my heavy things of life.

I turned 25 on thursday. Among all the well wishes and congratulations were wishes for a year filled with joy and other well intentioned, lighthearted stuff. But 24 was a mighty shitty year. It was one of those years that breaks you down piece by piece until you are so raw and exhausted that the only strength you have is to hope to make it to the end of the day without breaking down. And so I am so thankful for these people in my life that can well wish for me when I have no strength.

This lack of strength has been incredibly paralyzing, leaving me with a heavy heart and doubtful soul.

I am in such a frustrated place.

It cannot go on like this any longer.

So here is to being honest, being vulnerable, in hopes of healing.